Something that I struggled with during camp and that I foresee only intensifying as I move to Uganda is the fact that I have friends elsewhere that I want to keep. Where is the balance between investing fully where I am and investing into folks back home? And it's not even folks 'back home,' because my people live in Alabama, Virginia, Washington DC, Canada, and more!
Blogging is a nice general way to let people know what's happening with me, but it's not very personal. Sending emails takes a little more time and adds a layer of personalization, but it's still just words on a screen. Hearing someone's voice over the phone is amazing in its ability to rekindle friendships; seeing someone chat with you through a webcam is even better. A personal visit once a year would be nice, but I'm pretty sure I would spend all my time traveling and none of my time working if that were the case.
It's the Girl Scout dilemma: how does one 'make new friends but keep the old'?
Being a military brat, you'd think I'd be a pro at long-distance friendships. Ironically, I've found that some folks who spent their whole lives in one area are better at staying in touch with their far-flung friends than those of us who moved every few years. Perhaps they were never forced to learn the lesson of 'too many people, too little time.' Or perhaps they simply never faced the heart-breaking reality of an empty mailbox week after week, despite friends' promises to write.
So as I'm landing in Uganda, eager for this new adventure, a message to all my friends "elsewhere": I miss you (especially now, as I'm tired and lonely after 30+ hours of solo travel!). But sometimes it will hurt so badly to miss you that even writing you an email will make me burst into tears. Sometimes in this new life of mine, I'll feel like there aren't words or pictures to express what I'm experiencing. Sometimes, the time difference will discourage me from talking to you; sometimes, I'll simply be too busy with new and exciting events to communicate.
But please don't think that I'm ignoring you or worse yet, forsaking you! Even if you don't hear personally from me for months, don't think I'm letting the friendship die. Just think of me as collecting experiences to share next time we see each other.
Because we will see each other again. A year from now, when I return to the States homeless and jobless, I might just end up at your door, offering African stories, pictures, cooking, and culture in exchange for a sofa.
And because we're friends, I'm pretty sure you'll accept that offer.
Friendships change as we move through life. My parents are still friends with the Bible study buddies of their 20s, even though they hardly see each other and barely talk (except when we run into them at the grocery store). But there is a genial warmth and deep caring that remains. These are the friends you invite to weddings and funerals. These are the friends that come or send you the heartfelt prayers if they can't. Our modern culture with the internet has led to a false expectation or obligation that we can have the time to maintain all relationships at the same rate of communication just because it's easier to send an email instantly than write a letter that has to cross the sea by ship. I think the sheer accessibilty makes it too overwhelming to even try to keep up. The sheer volume makes you feel disconnected when you can't be connected constantly. But the constant connection with *everyone* is so cursory that it's not a real connection at all. It's an illusion. Ignore it. Be at peace. Write when you can--but don't make it a chore. I, for one, won't feel cut off if you don't write--but you are certainly welcome to my futon whenever you need it!
ReplyDeletegood insights!! thrilled you arrived safely! and remember, there's always heaven for "we will see each other again"! :)
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