hard week

I wrote this post several weeks ago and life improved before I shared it. This past week, though, was really rough emotionally, with missing home, family, and friends. I cried twice in one week--I think that might be a new record for me. So, here's praying that this next week goes better.

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To be honest, some mornings

I wake up,

Lay in my bed, staring at the mosquito net

That hangs from the ceiling and flows around me.

I think to myself:

What on earth have I done?

How did I end up in Uganda?

ICan’tDoThis.

 

Maybe I can pretend to have malaria,

Stay huddled in a corner of my bed today,

Door closed,

Ignoring the reality of this place.

Maybe I can stay there until I go home.

Maybe I can say I felt called to leave and just quit.

Today was one of those days.

So I thought about advice for the

Depressed and Grieving:

JustKeepGoing.

JustKeepGoing, they say.

Well, maybe culture stress is a form of depression.

Maybe I should JustKeepGoing as well.

So I force myself to put away the mosquito net.

I force myself to put on my running shoes.

Running always makes things better at home.

Maybe the Familiar will help.

I force myself to walk out the door

And to take the first few fumbling steps

In the semi-dark of just-before-sunrise.

Already, my heart feels lighter.

Thankful for the times in America,

Pounding the pavement, hours alone, just me and the road

When I developed the habit of prayer

Of pouring out my heart to Jesus, to the One who never leaves,

Who will run any distance with me

At my perfect pace.

I pray.

Jesus, I need You.

My feet hit the dirt:

Thud, thud, thud.

Run heavy, I think briefly.

It keeps the snakes away.

Jesus, I need You.

Thud, thud, thud.

Jesus, I need You.

Thud, thud, thud.

The sun rises. My run ends. Endorphins

Flood through my body. So do the

Inner Strength and Hope

That come from communion with my Savior.

Maybe today will not be so bad.

“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” Phil. 4.13