thoughts on the anniversary of the invasion

"Christianity agrees with Dualism that this universe is at war. But it does not think this is a war between independent powers. It thinks it is a civil war, a rebellion, and that we are living in a part of the universe occupied by the rebel. 

Enemy-occupied territory—that is what this world is. Christianity is the story of how the rightful king has landed, you might say landed in disguise, and is calling us all to take part in a great campaign of sabotage."

--C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (book 2, chap 2)

"The whole world lies in the power of the evil one."
1 John 5:19 

"[Jesus], though he was in the form of God,

did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,

but made himself nothing, 

taking the likeness of a servant, 

being born in the likeness of men."

Phil. 2:6-7

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"Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit. And her husband Joseph, being a righteous man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly." Matt. 1:18-19

What is the connection between righteousness and not shaming Mary? 

Joseph was not selfish enough to desire the revenge of public humiliation.

Heavenly Father, what a role model you gave your son for his early life!

"And while they were in Bethlehem, the time came for her to give birth. ... And in the same region there were shepherds out in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and they were filled with fear. And the angel said to them, 'Fear not, for I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior who is Christ the Lord." Luke 2: 6, 8-11.

158 chances to get it right

God allows second chances.

It's easy to say, but when a period of one's life makes one require a third, fourth, or one hundredth chance, the belief dims. Could God really still love me after another screw-up? I don't deserve another chance--if I were God, I would have fired me from myself by now. Yet here I am, awake, myself, fully aware of the sin I committed yesterday yet still having one more chance to try again.


"I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgement; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says 'You fool!' will be liable to the hell of fire." (Matt. 5.22)


Check--count me liable for all three. Times 20.

But God refuses to give up on me. Why? I'm nothing worth saving. Instead of grumbling about what an idiot I am, God simply says "I love you; I forgive you."

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 Jn. 1.9)


And Jesus doesn't get an attitude; he doesn't say "Get with the program already! I died for that sin--stop it!"

"But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous." (1 Jn. 2.1)


I have 158 more chances to get it right. God graciously, gladly, and in love gives me every single one of those chances, plus more. Am I willing to take him up on this offer? Am I willing to rise every morning and accept another chance of victory?

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies are new every morning." (Lam. 3.22)

A Black Friday Victory

Wednesday, 3pm

The monster lurks under the surface, waiting for the email to arrive. He is weaker than last year but still strong enough to claw his way to the surface at times, to dig his talons into her mind, to squeeze her heart back toward the miserly cage he used to control. Friday is strategic--if he can reach the surface once more, if he can breathe fresh air for a few hours, he knows he can survive longer, perhaps even another year. Curse his fellow monsters who have created the chaos accompanying that day, for as she has grown closer to The Other One, she has slipped from his claws to the point where she is almost repulsed by the chaos. 

Still, he has one more card to play and he takes a gulp of air as she reads the email. One claw enters her mind: 50% off name-brand clothes. He grabs her heart in a familiar vise: just a 5 minute walk down the road. Filled with a hope he hasn't felt in months, the monster slips back under the surface.

Friday, 7am

Today. If he can only convince her to visit the store, he will be stronger, refreshed, ready to continue the battle with The Other One for control of her heart. First order of action: communicate with the lazy one, convince him to work harder today. No luck--the monster Lazy stirs halfheartedly but quickly gives up. "Habits," he moans as he rolls back to sleep. "The Other One is helping her develop habits."

There is hope still, the email remains in her inbox. His claw is still in her mind, though not very deep. He can feel his grip on her heart slipping as she reads The Other One's book, his claw loosening as her to-do list grows. He struggles toward the surface--must breathe, must get fresh air! A moment too late, he sees the lit fence, the life vibrating from it, and he is thrown backward.

Friday, 9am

The monster revives as she jogs through the neighborhood. He shakes his head, confused. This fence was new, there had never been one in that location previously. The light from the fence shines gently, illuminating the word Contentment written across it in blood. 

Out of breath, weary, the monster Greed retires. And the girl continues through Black Friday, sharing with her Savior joy in the quiet victory of the day. 

check engine. check.

A collection of thoughts from the past weekend:

Friday, 7:45pm: Why is my check engine light on?

Friday, 9pm: My small group teacher just assigned us homework. How old am I again?

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Saturday, 9:30am: Sweet, I had a decent 5k time for a cross-country race...just need to decrease my pace by 20-30 seconds to place in my next 5k.

Saturday, 10am: Wow, next year I want to win this 5k and get a free turkey.

Saturday, 10:15am: My father is brilliant, of course I should take my car to its original dealer to see if it's a warranty problem.

Saturday, 10:30am: So basically, either it's warranty problem that they'll fix for free or I pay $100 to know why the light is on...I'll take that bet.

Saturday, 11:30am: Good thing I brought stuff to do while waiting.

Saturday, 12:30pm: Insert Jeopardy theme music here.

Saturday, 12:45pm: Yay, it was a warranty issue!

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Sunday, 7am: Ouch. It appears I did actually roll my ankle during that 5k yesterday.

Sunday, 11am: I'm glad my car got fixed yesterday so I can still visit a friend in the city today...

Sunday, 2pm: Eastern Market Crepes are the best.

Sunday, 9:30pm: The Matrix makes so much more sense as an adult than as a 13 year old.

a story of math in modernity

I was never a math whiz. 

I passed math courses decently because I was motivated by a little red letter that appeared on homework and exams after the teacher saw them. I wanted that letter to be an A. (note bene: it's amazing how some kids are motivated by these letters. but let's not forget the kids who aren't.)

I didn't necessarily hate math, nor did I struggle with it. I simply never understood how higher math would apply to real life. The grocery store never says "Today we are selling x's for $20, and your total will be $82, so what is x?" And my bank would never say, "Hmm, we seem to have lost the number of deposits you made in March, but we have your February total and your April total, so can you figure out how much money you deposited?" (note bene: if your bank does ever says that to you, tell them $550,500, take the money, and leave!)

Granted, knowing math does help with physics, and I enjoyed elementary physics because there are the occasional physics problems in real life (ie--if it's snowing in October and I'm trying to turn left but that car is coming pretty fast, should I go or not go?).

Not until a few weeks ago was I grateful that my younger self was motivated by little red letters. While at work, I assigned myself the task of deciphering a complex incentive system to determine how much money we had given away through said incentives. 

During this process, I suddenly realized that I was doing algebra. 

Granted, in this real-life higher math, there were no x's or y's or even pi's. There were, however, unknown numbers and I was finding them quite successfully. So successfully, in fact, that I corrected numbers from the previous four years with the simple equation I had developed. 

So while I will never become a math whiz, I have a new appreciation for the language of numbers in everyday life. (note bene--I will confess that the use of an Excel spreadsheet assisted with this newfound enthusiasm) 

revamping is my life

As this blog nears 100 posts, I'm reevaluating yet again its purpose and meaning. Given that a blog is an inanimate thing, given life only through its "creator," it seems to me that the created should serve the creator...and not vice versa.

There are so many metaphors and theological discussions in the previous sentence that I will simply ignore and restart.

Recently, I have felt pressure from my blog. I have felt that I simply must post at regularly scheduled intervals. Why I often am more stressed about the expectations of inanimate things than about the expectations of living, breathing humans is something that befuddles and bemuses me.

Regardless, I am posting this post right now on this slightly-read, unliving internet space to tell the world that I am releasing myself from the shackles of posting daily or bi-daily or tri-daily. I'm only going to post if I have something to say. That may be once a week or five times a week.

Don't worry--I actually have several things I want to say that I haven't had the freedom to edit because I've been stressed about 'posting.' And there are several things I will have to say in the future.

For now, though, this is all I have to say:

Dear Blog, You. Do. Not. Control. Me. With love, Me.