jitters.

Today, I'm doing something that gives me butterflies in my stomach.

I dreamed about it last night. Even after forcing myself to stop thinking about it so I could actually fall asleep.

When I woke up at 5am, it was the first thing on my mind. I consciously forced myself to relax and fall back asleep.

I purposefully chose to run sprints this morning to remove a bit of the boundless energy that consumes me when I'm nervous. (yes, friends, if I seem to have kilowatts of energy in some situations, it may be from nerves, not boredom!)

Staying in a comfort zone is often quite...comfortable. It doesn't make me nervous, it doesn't give me the jitters, it doesn't require concentration or attention to details. Comfort zones give freedom for exploration, dreaming, hobbies, and joking with friends. Being pushed to face and to conquer phobias is often quite terrifying. The 'what ifs' crowd my mind, I literally shake with fear, my voice goes up a decibel, and my stomach refuses to accept even the most tempting of delicacies (ie, pizza!). I listen to Glory Revealed, Kelly Clarkson, Aaron Shust, Katy Perry; I joke with friends; I pretend excitement; and still in the back of my mind I'm contemplating how I can escape, whether starting a new life in Denver would be easier than the thing I'm about to face.

"I can do all things through him who strengthens me." Phil. 4:13


"All things" would probably include my first solo venture in setting up the zip line.

"Cast all your anxieties on [Jesus], because he cares for you." 1 Pet. 5:7

PS--the dream was NOT a nightmare. ;) Well, minus being short and unable to reach things (a legitimate issue) and losing my favorite shirt in the lake (a bogus fear, since there is no lake nearby!).